Global Warming Alarmists Have All the Answers

Now it's China's fault that the Earth isn't melting.

Let's see...

CFCs...nope. Try...
Animal defecation...um, well we can't blame humans on that, so no. How about...
the Sun...hmm, no. That's probably what's actually causing this so-called "man-made" problem, so we can't use that.

Well then certainly we can blame the CO2's emitting naturally from the oceans, right? No, because that would be more accurate and how do we guilt people into a Cap & Trade situation and line our pockets with "research grants?" So that's out.

O.k. then, we'll just scare people's children with tales of drowning polar bears that are an endangered species and certainly that would have to guilt their parents into falling in line. What do you mean polar bears are not endangered? What? The term "threatened species" doesn't work either? Well I guess when the polar bear population has grown approximately 25 percent since 1974, that really wouldn't work either. We could always lie about that one I suppose.

Don't worry, it's not like anybody is going to leak any e-mails exposing our grand fraud, so we'll just get the national media to fall in line and have a popular Democrat be a hypocrite on energy consumption and use his celebrity status (you'll remember he "won" a Nobel Peace prize and an Oscar too. Not to mention he invented the internet and he and his wife Tipper were the inspiration for the movie Endless Love) so who in their right mind wouldn't believe him?
No? Nobody believes him either? Man, this is harder than we thought. I thought you said everyone was just going to fall in line here.

Ah, screw it. We'll just blame China.